Serving Among the Messy...(heading back to East Africa)

Today marks a little over 2 weeks until I hit the skies again for another African adventure.  I'm in the phase where I wonder if all that needs to get accomplished will get done before my flight leaves, so obviously procrastination is the best method at this point! ;-)  I have a research paper for my summer class that needs to be completed before I leave...it's due the day I return.  I need to collect supplies and anything else my little heart desires and get everything organized and packed before I leave for our yearly family beach trip in just over a week.  I need to organize with friends who's bringing me where, when I'm dropping the dog off, where my car will be, and the like.  I need booster vaccinations (that's scheduled for tomorrow morning...don't stress Mom!).  I also could use to study for my class final, which I'm taking a little early (while at the beach) to protect against the unpredictable internet access of Africa!  All of this must get done while somehow working overtime and trying to stick to this diet and exercise plan I've been committed to!  Basically it's a lot...

But, none of that is why I'm writing.  Although, if you're interested in donating baby supplies for me to bring with me...head over to Facebook for details...

It was a few weeks ago in church that I feel like God revealed to me why I feel so at home in Africa.  We are studying through the book of Acts and have gotten to Acts 11.  The start of this chapter (1-18) recounts the story of the apostles questioning Peter on why he was associating with Gentiles (non-Jewish men).  In this story, we see that God did not mean salvation only for those of Jewish decent, he was bringing "repentance that leads to life" (verse 18) to all people, even those the Jews of the time would have considered unclean by the law.  We learn several things in this story, but the truth that resonated most with me was:
We can't stand in God's way!  We must learn to get comfortable with the messiness of lost people, those who don't seem worthy of our time or love, or even of God's saving.  Because, Jesus came to save ALL peoples!

Here are a few questions that were posed that Sunday:
~ What level of lostness are you comfortable with?
~ How messy is too messy for you?
~ Who is not worth serving?

The point...God is calling me (and you) to get comfortable with the lostness of messy people I don't consider worth serving.

What I realized was, in Africa...among the messiness and lostness...it is easier for me to see God at work, to choose to serve His people, and to get comfortable with messy.  Maybe because there was no other option, maybe because God gave out grace in abundance, or maybe because a part of me was formed to serve there...what I do know is that Christians aren't called to live separate lives, we are called to live in and among the mess.

While Jesus was on Earth everything unclean he touched became clean...and he remained clean as well.  This is the opposite of the law, which said when clean touches unclean, it becomes unclean.  Think about the leppers, those dead, and even the woman who touched his garments...each became clean (healed).  Jesus also consistently associated with the lost and lowly...he lived in the mess.

For some reason, for me it is easier to push myself in this area overseas.  In my own backyard, I find it easy to remain outside of the mess and forget who I'm called to serve.  We find a comfort zone and settle into it.  But, for me, despite my LOVE for Africa and it's people, I'm still pushed outside my comfort zone while walking the streets there...and find indescribable joy in serving from that place.

When asked what I was most excited about for this adventure?  I said, "Just being back on African soil!"  I don't have a spelled out roll this time around, but I do know my heart is alive when I'm dirty, sweaty, and surrounded by children who are being raised in poverty to know a God who cares about each hair on their head and will be their provider in more tangible ways than you and I will ever know.  My hope is that I wake each morning and ask God to direct my steps, to give me the words to say, and the love to share.  May I be a conduit of God's love in a small way by choosing to live outside my comfort zone, among the mess!
And may that translate into my life when I return...

East Africa here I come!

Back in Africa: Mozambique

Mozambique.
A country almost 2 times the size of California.  It is in southeast Africa right above South Africa as I tell so many people when I get the blank stare.  Portuguese speaking.  A place plagued by civil war until 1992.  Was once the poorest country in the world, now 14th.  AIDS, tuberculosis, malnutrition, malaria, and so many other diseases are a part of daily life.  Life is hard and death is normal.


Mozambique.
My home for 2 years.  A place that will always have a part of my heart.  A people I did my best to love and grew to appreciate.  Babies and children I have personal relationships with who are growing up without a family.  The place that taught me to be a nurse and a mother.  Teenagers who are pursuing Jesus while raising the children around them.  Women and men who sacrifice time with their own families to love, discipline, and parent orphans.  A people who seek the Lord at every turn and trust Him for their most basic needs.  Joyful worship through trials.  Dark skin and gorgeous white smiles.  Sweaty days with sand ground in your feet.  Diapers, hugs, fevers, nap time, assessments, toys, smiles, diseases, kisses, drool, medicine, joy, love, Jesus.

Mozambique will always be more than a country of poverty to me.  It was my home, and it has a piece of me.  My time there formed my thoughts and my heart.


God made us to form relationships.  He gave Adam, Eve.  We are not meant to go through life alone.  And when I lived in Mozambique I did just that, formed lasting relationships.

As we drove up from the airport, I was distracted by conversation in the car and taking in all the changes on the roads and at the center where I lived.  I really had no idea what seeing everyone again would be like...  Then we rounded the corner to the playground and I looked up.  I recognized every face I saw.  Not just recognized, I knew every face I saw.  I knew their names, I knew their personalities, I knew how they acted when they're sick.  God hand picked the perfect group of children to come running up to the car, yelling my name, Mana Meghann (in only the way my Mozambican kiddos can).  I hugged them all, called them by name, and asked how they were.  It was just like coming home to family after being gone for a long time.  It was comfortable.  We knew each other.  And I was blessed.


The next 5 days filled me up.  I ran around and played with the little boys and girls (now 4-6 years old)...who lived in the Baby House when I was their nurse.  I blew bubbles and sang with these sweet little ones.  I sat in the sand with the babies and cuddled.  I joyfully had conversations with so many workers who filled my day to day life before.  I took a trip to the hospital to see a sweet girl we all care dearly for who was extremely sick.  I went to church and even made it through greetings in front of the congregation in Portuguese!  I dropped by the clinic daily to check in on the nurses I once led.  I hugged Aurora's neck many times a day (the Baby House nurse I worked with side by side), encouraging her that her work is important and doesn't go unnoticed.  I played games and ate meals with missionaries who were my family.  I got cooking lessons from one of the youth.  I talked for hours with those I love.  I walked to the local market to buy my veggies.  I ventured into the community to visit one of my friends who no longer works for the ministry.  I laid down each night full and tired.

I'm so thankful for the time I had.  It was a blessing.  I never expected to see so many of my babies, growing, healthy, and developing.  When I left Mozambique 2 years ago, I had no idea when or if I'd be back.  And I certainly did not know which children would still be there or how they would be doing.  But, overwhelmingly they are thriving.  They are eating full meals, sleeping in warm beds, going to school, and receiving medical care.  Things that are not reality for so many in Mozambique.  But, most importantly they are being raised to know their heavenly Father's love.  The worship and joy through circumstance will always leave me speechless and in love with my Father.


In 1 Corinthians 3, Paul talks about planting seed.  "I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth.  So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth.  He who plants and he who waters are one, and each will receive his wages according to his labor.  For we are God's fellow workers.  You are God's field, God's building."  The whole time I spent being blessed by my relationships in Mozambique and forming new ones, the same truth rang true.  In my time as a nurse there, some days I planted and some days I watered.  "But God gave the growth."  And what a huge blessing it was to get to see the harvest of God's growth.


Before I left, I wrote,  "Countless times I've seen a sweet child and wondered about all my kiddos over in Moz...how are they?  where are they?  what are they doing?  is someone loving them?  is someone caring for them?"  God answered these questions with a resounding, "Trust Me."  My sweet children are thriving because He is caring for them.  They are safe because He loves them more than I could dream of.

So I left full.  I left hopeful.  I left joyful.

I left in love with my Father because He first loved me.


Mozambique.

Back to Africa it is...

Hello All...
Wow, it's been a long time since I sat down to write a blog post.  Forever it feels like.  There have been countless nights at work...caring for patients at the hospital.  Countless learning moments...where God rocked my world in a tiny second and showed me who He is or who I am in Him.  Countless times I've seen a sweet child and wondered about all my kiddos over in Moz...how are they?  where are they?  what are they doing?  is someone loving them?  is someone caring for them?  Countless times I've asked...what was it all for?  why did you send me?  what did I learn?  how did I change?  Countless moments of pure fun and joy with family and new and old friends alike.  It's been two years.  TWO YEARS.  I have lived in the States for two years this week.  And I'm returning to Africa next week...(just for two weeks...for all those who's hearts just hit the ground)
Here's how it all began...
I've been hearing about a family (Will and Kelly Rodes...and their son Liam) from my church in South Carolina for a long while now.  They felt called to the mission field and ended up leaving their jobs and everything and everyone familiar and following God's call (sound familiar???).  Anyway, they ended up going to the mission school run by Iris Ministries (yes that's who I served with in Moz).  So, people keep telling me about them.  Do I know them?  Nope, I've never met them.  But LOTS of people ask me, and proceed to tell me their story.  Every time I'd excitedly say...that's so great!  I can't wait to see what they learn from all the kiddos and people in Moz and where God ends up placing them!  Next thing I knew, I was hearing that they were headed for Kenya to open a children's home.  And that their first step was to take in 20 babies, birth to 2 years.  At this point I made the comment to a friend at work, we should go help!  I'm sure they could use some nurses to get things up and running!  It was one of those times you jokingly say something, but God quickly tugs at year heart saying...you will go.
I left it at that.
Next thing I know, I'm reading this article written by a Clemson guy, Edward Phillips.  It's all about this family.  Really??  It was on my facebook news feed.  Truth.  The whole time I'm reading, I'm trying to figure out how I know this guy.  Why are we "friends"?  After I finish reading, I did a little detective work/stalking.  Yes, we went to Clemson for a bit of time together.  We even went to the same church (the same church the Rodes went to).  We both volunteered in the student ministry, Fuse.  Maybe that's it?  Maybe I met him in the mix of hundreds of volunteers?  At this moment my hearts says...just e-mail him.  What can it hurt?  Tell him you're on board with the vision of this children's home...which is called Kimbilio and willing to help out in any way you can.  So I did just that!
I get an e-mail back within 30 minutes...Edward knows exactly why we're "friends".  He tells me he heard about my work in Moz through a friend (a nurse who had heard me speak at Clemson when I came home the first time).  He had friended me on facebook and sent me a message explaining about Kimbilio and asking me to be involved.  Yep...I remember that message and there it is in my inbox...unanswered.  Oops.  No, seriously, I remember the message but I received it just as I was leaving Moz to move to the States.  At that point I could barely function in my own life not to mention help out with a new project.  I had nothing to give.  And in His sovereignty, power, and grace, God knew just that.
In this e-mail Edward tells me about a trip they are taking in the summer...a vision trip for Kimbilio.  I got a little excited as I read that he would love to extend an invite to me if I'm interested.  But, I also knew that I had already asked for time off work in the summer and was told no.  And I had 6 weddings of good friends coming up...let's be honest...a trip to Kenya was not in my budget or calendar.  I wrote back explaining this but telling him to send me the dates and I'd see what was possible.  Then I see the dates...July 4-16.
My heart sank...
...that wasn't going to work.  That was the week I'd already asked off work and was told no way.  But I pull out my calendar anyway.  (Yes, I still have an old school calendar...one that I color code to keep my life in order.  I carry my iphone everywhere...thanks America...but I cannot and will not put my life schedule in it.  I just can't give up the physical and visual calendar I love so dearly.  Ok...enough on that rant...back to the story...).  July 4th is a Thursday I discover.  I'm a nurse who works 3 12 hour shifts a week...I don't need that week off.  I'll work Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and leave for Kenya Thursday!  I wouldn't let my heart get excited...I still just knew it wasn't going to work out.  But I called work...and in a series of phone calls that took most of the afternoon...my supervisor said...the week after the 4th...3 shifts off...YEP WE CAN DO THAT!!!!!!!  My heart almost jumped out of my chest as I wrote Edward back to tell him...yes, I could go!!!  I also asked him if I was going to go was there a way I could fly to Moz before I returned to the States.  He came back with a yes, and I committed to go!

So the plan is...I fly out July 4th...land in Nairobi, Kenya on July 5th.  I'm serving with a team of 13 through Choose to Invest for a week.  We are helping with a Rejoice Children's Camp...who's vision is discipleship in the next generation!  And then we're doing whatever we can to help with Kimbilio.  We are also helping in another children's home that's already up and running...where I'm sure I'll get my hands dirty in some type of nursing work!
What am I excited about?
I'm excited to finally meet people I've been hearing about for quite some time...Edward and the Rodes! I'm excited to be on African soil again, around a people I love, in a place I knew as home for two years.  I'm excited to offer up all the experiences, knowledge, and love I gained in Moz to a group who's just jumping off the ledge to see where God takes them.  I'm excited to start relationships that I hope to continue...I'd love nothing more than to partner with Choose to Invest/Kimbilio as this vision becomes a reality.  I'm excited to be obedient once again to the call God has placed on me...we are blessed in obedience...that I know.  And I'm excited to love and be loved...this team, these people, the children...LOVE is God's language for all of his children.
I will admit I have butterflies about this whole thing too.  I wonder if I have processed enough or anything when it comes to my time in Moz.  Am I ready to jump back in?  Do I have anything to give? Am I jaded by all I've seen?  Will I be able to wipe that clean and offer up the wisdom I gained from experiences instead of the hurt I walked away with?
But here's what I know...God has the answers to these questions before I even thought of them.  And He said go.  So, I'm going.  When my heart bends away from God, I tend to get lost in worldly questions.  I have to speak God's truth into these questions.  That's what I know.
So, Kenya for a week...then I'm flying to Moz...YES THAT'S RIGHT...I'M FLYING TO MOZ!  I get there the afternoon of July 12th and I fly out July 17th.  5 days to sit in the sand with babies crawling all over me.  5 days to hug the necks of my kiddos who have grown so big.  5 days to sit and talk with the ladies I worked with for 2 years.  5 days for dinner and game nights with the missionaries I did life with.  Are 5 days enough...NO!  But I am going to make every moment last.  I seriously cannot wait.  I fully expect God to break my heart and heal it all in one.  I expect to be overwhelmed and feel out of place, but feel full and at home...all at the same time.

God said go and I'm going.  God told me my word for 2013 was renovation.  Renovation: the act of improving by renewing and restoring.  I know this adventure is a part of this renovation process.  Renovation of a house is not fun...it means gutting the insides, tearing down the old, making hard decisions, developing a vision of the final product and fighting for that vision every step of the way.  Renovation is a process.  And heading back to Africa is a part of that process...
Please join me in praying for my heart, my team, all those we meet, all we are lead to do, safe travels, and renovation!
I'm sure there will be lots of stories and pictures to share when I return...stay tuned!

"Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield.  For our heart is glad in him, because we trust his hold name.  Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you."

~Psalms 33: 20-22

Thankful

One year ago today I was climbing on a plane to fly across the world to come visit family and friends, to take a break from my life in Africa and spend the holidays in America.  That was one year ago.
Today I returned from a mountain trip with over 20 people, most of whom I met in the last 3 months.
What a stark difference.

I am astounded that I have been living in the States for 5 months this week.  Seriously.  Its hard to comprehend. There are days it feels completely normal to be living in an apartment, working a hospital nursing job here in the States.  But, there are also days it feel utterly foreign as if I'm living someone else's life.  I'm still at a point where I long for things to feel normal...but I also have fear-filled moments on the days when I realize I have not thought about my "African life" throughout the day.  I fear that my memories will fade.  I fear that I will forget all God allowed me to experience.  I still struggle with how I've changed.  I know I have changed.  But I still cannot begin to articulate how.
I have however figured out two facts of life that will ring true forever...
#1- Life goes on.  Somehow without our permission and without our comprehension...life goes on.  It doesn't matter what we're going through or how we are coping with it...the world will continue.  It doesn't matter if you feel like you're in a hole and would much father cover the top and remain there...the world around you will keep moving.  People will fall in love.  Friends will come and go.  People will get sick and maybe even die.  Jobs will be lost and found.  The world will continue...the question is, will you stand still or choose to move alongside those you love.
#2- God is never-changing.  I have just experienced my first fall in three years.  I have seriously loved every minute of it.  The first day with a chill in the air.  The first leaf with a hint of yellow or red.  The fallen leaves covering my car each morning.  The children dressed in their Halloween costumes coming door to door.  Pumpkins on every door step.  I have loved it.  But more importantly, during this season God has spoken to me.  Just as sure as we are that seasons will come and go...that next year this time the leaves with be falling off the trees again...just as sure as we know after these next months of cold weather...the warmth of spring will return...just as sure as we are that after night comes, the sun will rise again...God is just that sure.  He is that solid.  His character will never change.  He will always be loving.  He will always be sufficient.  He will always be enough.
I am thankful to have learned these two truths and be able to come out overly blessed.  I am in a season of transition.  One that no one around me can truly understand.  One I have extreme trouble facing needless to say articulating to others.  But God in His faithfulness and sufficiency has brought me to this point and will continue to propel me forward.  There have certainly been days I have chosen to hide in my hole, put the cover on top, and let the world spin around me.  But most of the time I have grabbed hold of our never-changing God and gone along for the ride.  And in that God has blessed me beyond my wildest dreams.  A door was open for me to take a nursing job in Greenville, SC.  The work is hard and I still have tons to learn, but I'm daily blessed by those around me and love the opportunity to care for patients in their most vulnerable moments.  I live in an adorable apartment in a great neighborhood only 3 minutes from work.  And I have found a wonderful community of people to live life with.  They challenge me to seek the Lord in everything I do.  They challenge me to serve those around me with a love some days I'm not sure I have.  We quickly have become a family...challenging each other when need be...picking each other up when one falls...loving each other the best we know how...and having tons of fun along the way.

So I am thankful.  I am astounded how quickly the time has gone.  But I am thankful my season of transition is well on its way.  I still struggle with the stress that work throws at me.  But I am thankful God has blessed me with this opportunity to learn and grow.  I have trouble believing tomorrow I won't wake up to the sweet hugs, grimy fingers, and gorgeous faces of my babies in Mozamibque.  But I have been overly blessed with a community of friends to live life alongside here in Greenville.
So in all of this...I remain thankful to my God who loves me.
Happy Thanksgiving week!

6 Weeks

Tomorrow will be 6 weeks.
6 weeks since I said all my goodbyes and left my "African Family" to rejoin my "American family".  6 weeks since I hugged all my little babies one last time.  6 weeks since I slept my last night with my fan running to block out the sound of 300 children running around.  6 weeks since I finished work and spoke my last sentences of Portuguese.  6 weeks since little Inacio gave me a hug and sweetly shared his fears of saying goodbye with tears rolling down his face.  6 weeks since I hugged all the tias and educators who made my job challenging yet so rewarding.  6 weeks since I stared into the faces of walking miracles...children I had seen literally lifted from the dust and restored to new life.  6 weeks since I shared the impact our Mozambican medical team had on me and sweetly said goodbye.  6 weeks since I celebrated 2 years of living life together with a group of missionaries who changed me and then had to say goodbye.  6 weeks since I walked outside my home to see poverty and need staring me in the face.  6 weeks since I peacefully, yet devastated left my life behind.
Tomorrow will be 6 weeks.
On a daily, no hourly...no minute my minute...basis my emotions change.  They flip on a dime...at the drop of a hat...whatever you want to say.  One minute I feel like it has been forever since I was standing in Mozambique saying goodbye to all those I love, preparing to take the step of faith it took to come back to the States.  During these minutes, I get a bit scared.  Will I forget it all?  Has this experience actually impacted me and redirected the path of my life as I expected it to?  In these moments I'm fearful it's already fading, and I haven't even figured out what's next.  The next minute I can feel it all as if it was yesterday.  I can see all the adorable faces with their big brown eyes, I can feel each last hug, I can remember all the conversations...but then it all fades away again.  During these minutes I feel overwhelming sadness.  I miss my babies.  I miss the tias, even those who pushed me over the edge on a daily basis.  I miss the missionaries, my friends, who are the only people in the world who can understand what my daily life was like.  But at the same time, I smile in these moments.  I smile thinking of all the miracles I experienced, all the love I gave and received.  It is a very strange time.  One I'm not sure I can compare to anything else I've known.
When I first moved to Mozambique in August of 2009, I often had moments like this...I would be doing something "normal" (for example waiting for an internet page to load, getting ready to eat dinner...something "normal") and all of the sudden it would hit me.  YOU ARE IN AFRICA.  You are not in the States.  You cannot get in your car and go see your family and friends.  You know nothing of this place.  And, you are actually on the other side of the globe...literally!  What were you thinking?
But these last 6 weeks have been different than that transition.  For the first month it felt completely normal...I was home for a visit, right?  WRONG!  But because I wanted to remain feeling as if this was just a visit, I have avoided looking at pictures to create a final video, writing a final update to supporters, and updating this blog...because all of those things make this final.  During these 6 weeks, returning from the beach and starting to hunt for jobs made the move start to become real.  My first interview was a rude awakening.  This is not just becoming real; this is real.  I live in the States now.  I am not going back to all those precious babies, Mozambicans, and missionaries I miss.  Well, maybe for a visit but it won't be the same.
Where do I go from here?  This is the question I am asking myself and God.  This is the question I have no idea how to answer.  I have literally applied for over 20 jobs (pediatric floors, labor and delivery units, neonatal intensive care units, ER's, and mother/baby floors).  These jobs are all over the south east (Columbia, Charleston, Augusta, Nashville, and Greenville...and I have looked other places as well).  I have earnestly asked God to close doors and open ones He'd have me walk through.  Watching doors close is far from a heartwarming experience, but when the moment comes walking through the open one will be all the more rewarding and peace-filled.
How have I changed and what does that mean for life here in the States?  This is the question I so badly want to answer.  I'm not asking, "Have I changed?"  I know the answer to that is yes.  I am asking "how" and what's the impact of that change.  And at this point I cannot begin to articulate the answer.
What I do know is this process is difficult.  I am struggling to make conversation with people.  It is easier with people I've known a long time or those few who saw me in Mozambique.  I am struggling to care about the new TV programs everyone is talking about, yet at the same time want to spend hours mindlessly watching them to catch up before the next season starts.  In the midst of it all I know one thing...no matter how difficult this transition proves to be...no matter what feelings I'm experiencing yet having trouble articulating...I know one thing.
I serve a God who loves me.  I serve a God who knows my inner being.  I serve a God who calls me friend.  He is faithful and merciful.  He will not forsake me.  And, He will give me the grace I need to make it through each day.
That is what I know.  And that makes all the difference in the world.  That makes the moments of heartache possible.  That makes the moments of fear easier to stomach.  That makes the sweet moments with family and friends I have not lived near in 2 years all the more important.  I have certainly forgotten this truth at times, when I heard a resounding NO from a hospital I dreamed of working for or when I couldn't stop the tears of loss for all those babies I loved but may never see again.  Yet in it all this is the truth that matters.
Tomorrow will be 6 weeks.
Time will continue to move forward.  The memories will continue to fade.  I will eventually take my first hospital nursing job and move to a new place.  One day the "normal" things of America will feel "normal" again.  There will come a day I can articulate what changes occurred in me during my 2 years in Mozambique and how that has impacted my life and ministry here in the States.  But for now...
Tomorrow will be 6 weeks.

Reality...

It's 3:00am.  I just finished going through the last things in my room and packing up as many things as I can.  I still have wet clothes on the line, brilliant planning.  I have a pile of things lined up along one wall of my room for each of the missionaries.  I had a great dinner with some missionaries and am consistently blessed by each of them.  I am not excited about the 30 something hours of travel ahead of me...5 plane rides...4 plane tickets.  I can however keep myself calm because I know I'm going straight to the beach with my family and some of my absolute favorite people in the world to soak up the sun and do absolutely nothing else.

Today I had one of the sweetest moments I've had when it comes to goodbyes.  I am not too close to most of the older children on the base.  I usually keep my affections directed at my adorable babies.  But there are a few I just can't resist.  Well, today one of these guys came up to me after church.  I had been prayed for at church but first took a few minutes to say thank you to each person who has love me, taught me, and lived life with me.

So after church Inacio came walking up.  He just looked up at me with big telling eyes.  I had told him a few weeks ago that I would be leaving to go back home, but I don't think he realized tomorrow was it.  I asked him how he was and what he was thinking.  He responded with short answers.  I gave him another hug.  Then he looked up at me again with tears streaming down his face.
I pulled him close and reassured him as I remember my parents reassuring me so many times as a child.  The part that tore at my heart was that I knew I won't be here to hug him and calm his fears from here on out.  I am learning what it means to truly trust the children I love into God's hands.  He knows better than me.  And as much as I'd love to pack all my kiddos in my bag and bring them with me tomorrow, I know I can't.  Although I have truly considered it...a few of them are VERY small!
I know this move is right.  I know I made the right decision.  But that doesn't make the present any easier.  That doesn't put my broken heart back together again.  And that doesn't give me the words to say to children I know will be reintegrated before I ever get to come back for a visit.
I am full of emotion, yet peaceful.  I am dreading tomorrow, yet somehow ready.  I am at a loss for words but have plenty of hugs and kisses to go around.  As I put my babies to sleep one last time tonight I went into each room, gave each little one a hug, and said good night.  They each in their little way reminded me of their personalities, filled my heart with love once more.  It was a time to cherish.  It was a time I'll never forget.
Tomorrow is goodbye, until we meet again...

Growth!

We have lots of babies growing and developing at the moment.  I absolutely love living everyday life with kids because they can always surprise you.  One day I walk in and they can barely sit then the next it seems they are tottering over to me at the door.  Lots of babies have hit milestones recently and we have certainly celebrated with them!
Igor is walking!  He began his time with us at the center like this in February 2011 with only enough energy to sit and smile...

And today he is happy, healthy, and on the move!

The twins, both Amelia and Maria are walking!  If you remember this is them upon arrival last June.

And this the them today...taking over the Baby House one step at a time!

Silvia is also doing amazing.  She came to us last November TINY...do you remember her and her brother, Horacio?

In the last few weeks she has learned to pull herself up.  She cannot stand to view life from the floor anymore...watch out world, here comes Silvia!

And lastly we have Inacio...he came to us 1.5kg (3.3 pounds)...

...and now weighs almost 3kg (6.5 pounds)!

God is at work in these lives and so many others here at the center.  We could not care for, protect, and love all these babies if it wasn't for a loving heavenly father who makes it all possible!

The Colors of Moz

Just take a look at the colors of Mozambique...Gorgeous!

It's getting cold outside...

I know what you're thinking...it's Africa, it never gets cold.  You're wrong!  At the moment I'm sitting under 4 blankets snuggled in with my hot water bottle.  There is a cold breeze blowing outside.  Now. I will admit that 65 degrees feels quite cold to me these days.  When you have experienced 125 not too many months before, 65 is COLD!  And you have to remember that we don't have heating or air conditioning so whatever the temperature is outside, it's the same in my house!  There are probably some of you thinking, 65 inside my house sounds like heaven about now.  Well, if you bumped your thermostat down a few degrees and took my little babies from the Baby House to stay at your house...this is what you would see.  I was finishing up even medications the other day and went to quickly take a little boys temperature in Room 1, the oldest of the Baby House.  This is what I found...

Each one of them was under 2 blankets!  They weren't just snuggled in but COMPLETELY underneath the blankets.  It's probably a bit hard to see, but there are 2 kids to each bed with 2 blankets covering each little body.  So funny!
As I laughed to myself and snapped a photo, little Neto popped up to see what Mana Meghann was doing!  I love these kiddos!

Reintegration

Reintegration is the word we use to describe when a child who has been living here at the center is moved back into the house with his or her family.  This family could be a grandmother, a parent, or another relative.  It all depends on the child's individual story.  Some of our children are full orphans but others are with us because of social, economic, health, or other issues.  Sometimes reintegration happens because the ministry was able to build a house that allows a family to care for their children again.  Sometimes the child is older or their health issues have resolved.  It all depends.
If you remember, in April we said goodbye to two sets of twins in one day (if you don't remember, you can read here).  One set was Lena and Enoque, age 3.  They went to live with their grandmother and other brothers and sisters now that they are older.  Just last week we were able to go and visit them in their house.  They live only a 15 minute walk from our front gate!  It was amazing to see reintegration working for these two kids who I love dearly.  They were happy, well dressed, clean, and healthy!  Their family is loving them and caring for them.  It was an amazing confirmation that even when there are sad stories, there are joyful ones as well!

Here is Lena, Enoque, and I with their aunt in the background!

 They are just as precious and joyful as they were in the Baby House!

Day In and Day Out...

You all know I am a nurse.  My main job here at the center is to work as a nurse with the children, babies in particular.  Of course I mother, play with, and care for the children in other ways as well...and often choose to share these stories with you to give you a picture of life for these kiddos.  But, here is a taste of my daily life in pictures...the day in and day out life of a nurse here at Zimpeto...
There are always medications to be given, sores to be cleaned, hugs needed, temperatures to be taken, laughs to be had, lungs to be checked, inhalers to be given, babies to be fed, cries to be soothed, smiles to be cherished, ears to be cleaned, love to be shared, and souls to be touched...

Thanks Sam for all your patience and picture taking abilities!  You are amazing!