Sustainability...

In the last 4 days I have thought more about sustainability than ever before. What does the word even mean in our lives and especially on the mission field...
Thanks to dictionary.com I have a definition for you: capable of being maintained with minimum long term effect.
So these are the questions I've been asking...What does a sustainable life in Jesus look like? Where do I find it? What needs to change in me and my life to make this a reality?
I don't have many answers but I will tell you what I've come to. It started probably 2 months ago. My prayer at that time (and it was prayed in trepidation) was...Lord make me desperate for you. I remember getting to that point several times and praying...Lord I'm nervous but I really want to know what it means to be desperate for you; I want to be on my knees begging for you because I can't do what you're asking of me. I firmly believe prayers like this are ones that God jumps on in his people...so what happened? I found out I was going to start working in the main clinic on the base, something I am not particularly passionate about but I accepted the challenge. From that moment I would say I've been desperate maybe without my knowledge most of the time. Many times I have in my human strength attempted to make things happen, solve medical problems, learn a system (or lack there of) that my brain can't seem to grasp. It has been a tough 2 months. Just last week when I hit exhaustion level and felt like I had absolutely nothing left to give I finally fell to my knees. That was only after a death and a birth, weeks of answering the on call phone, and 2 months of desperating attempting to figure out what I need to learn before I leave on Sunday (I will return from the States to be in charge of the clinic with one other nurse on base).
So what is God teaching me...He is the only thing that will make our lives sustainable. We have to carve out time for him to minister to us. We have to meet with others and mutually ask God to pour into us. We have to rest in him the days we are tired. It sounds like an easy concept, but for me it is tough. I love to see things improve, get to completion, and others encouraged...but that has always come at the expense of my sleep and my time. So looking back at the definition it has caused more than a minimum long term effect...it has caused exhaustion! So to something has to change....
I pray that during this time at home I am able to gain new perspective and figure out what a sustainable schedule and life looks like for me here with God as my sustainer.