Moments Like These...

Many times in a day I wonder...why am I here again?  I always come back to one answer...because I sent you.  Right, but at some moments that doesn't make anything better.  When I'm tired, HOT, annoyed, frustrated, unable to get my point across in my second language, struggling to understand this foreign country I live in...basically when I'm acting like a child who is throwing a fit, toys flying at a hundred miles an hour out of my crib...those are the moments, "I sent you," doesn't help a thing.  But, there are other moments.  And those are the ones when I might have trouble comprehending but I know that I know I'm where I'm suppose to be.  In the last 2 days this has happened twice....
#1- There is a little boy in the Baby House named Wesley.  You may remember he was the first kid I ever carried around on my back in a capalana (like a Mozambican mama) because he cried his first 48 hours here at the center.  So we have a special bond.  I don't get to play with him that often, but still his gentleness and ability to go with the flow is adorable.  Anyway, Monday night I went up to check temperatures and give out meds in the Baby House at midnight.  I found Wesley with a VERY high temperature and had to give him a cool bath to bring it down.  Everyone else was sleeping, tias included.  So I snuck him into the bathroom, got the water ready, and him undressed.  Then it hit me...someone told me he cried through his entire cool bath earlier in the day.  And if he cried when he was wide awake and it was hot outside, he is certainly going to cry now when I yanked him from a sound sleep and the air is cool.  So I slowly eased him in and ended up basically with the top half of my body in the bath with him.  He clung to me whimpering, but I kept the crying under control.  Then I started to sing...Sancturary if you know that song.  And he calmed down and eventually gave in to sitting in cool water at 12:45 in the morning...poor little boy.  But right then, I knew that I knew...this is where I'm meant to be...for moments just like this...to love and care for a sick baby.
#2- Yesterday I was on in the Baby House with Aurora (our Mozambican nurse).  When I came in she looked a little sad but I didn't get a chance to ask her what was up.  There were too many kids to check on and fevers to control.  Eventually we got to talk.  She told me that her nephew (40 years old) had died in the night.  He was HIV+ and had been battling sickness for the last month or so.  She had spent most of her holiday time caring for him.  From what I gathered he did go to a clinic this past weekend and they did a lumbar puncture.  They determined he had a cerebral infection but sent him home.  At this point I was livid.  No oral medications were going to help him...he needed to be admitted to the hospital and given IV antibiotics...but this didn't happen.  Aurora had been with him all of Monday evening but left to go home about 10pm (because she had to be in to work at 7am).  He passed away around midnight.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying he would have for sure made it in the hospital but he certainly would have had a chance...and just maybe he would still be alive to care for his 14 year old daughter and his aging mother (Aurora's sister...who has already lost 3 sons, this is the 4th).  But, what can you do when you're faced with a story like this.  We held Aurora, and we prayed.  I struggled to pray in Portuguese so she could understand me...but even struggling and being so frustrated with his medical care...I knew that I knew I was meant to be there...for moments just like this...to support and comfort a woman I love and respect.
So there are though times when fits are being thrown, toys flying...but there as also times where I clean up the toys and put my big girl pants on because I for a moment realize..."I sent you"...is the perfect reason to be here.