One Month.

One month from today I will be enjoying the beach of North Carolina with longtime family friends.  One month from today I will have said my goodbyes to Mozambique, at least for now, and be starting a new adventure of life in the States.  One month from today I cannot even begin to dream of what my thoughts and emotions will be like.  One month from today it will be time for my faith to kick in again and remind me that God has a plan for me and taking this step to move back to the States is a part of that plan.  But before this month is over, I have many more hugs to experience, many more laughs to soak in, and many more lives to touch.
About a month ago I made the decision to come back to the States the end of June.  I struggled for months to make the choice.  There was a part of me that wanted to return to Mozambique for a short time with the heart of raising up our local nurses to really take the charge.  But, I finally came to the conclusion (or God finally got through my thick head) that my rationalization would never bring me the peace I was seeking to make a decision.  My brain wanted to say to fill a need.  It wanted to stay to be with the babies I love.  It wanted to stay to see the Mozambicans raised up to take on leadership.  But, once I took a step back and was honest with myself, I knew my heart was moving on.  I am at peace with this decision.  I am certainly nervous about going home, but I am excited to see what's next and what He has for me in the near and distant future.
Since the moment I felt peace to return to the States, God has nudged and slowly opened my hear to the idea of saying goodbye to all those I love here in Moz.  I know it is going to be difficult.  And I know it is going to hurt.  But the truth is God has amazing things in store for me...as He does each of his precious children.  I have NO idea what they are, but I'm excited to continue on the journey.  I have cried many times since telling my directors that June 27th will be the end of my time here.  Each thing I do has become precious.  I may not get a special hug from Mimi again just because she saw me this afternoon.  I may not get to sit in church next to Inacio and watch the light bulb go off as he understands what is being preached on.  I may not get to count to nine with Adilson again to watch him scream TEN in extreme excitement.  I may not be greeted on the playground by 10 knee level hugs as one of our Baby House rooms takes a walk across the playground.  I may not get to hold sick Manuel at 2am, soothe his spirit, and help his breathing with a nebulizer treatment.  I may not get to cheer little Amelia and Maria on as they take their first steps.  It's the daily things, everyday life, that I will miss and I vow to cherish over the next month.
A month ago I wrote the e-mail to my directors to tell them my time in coming to a close.  Before that I sat with my best friend here on base to tell her that we will have to learn to be long distance friends soon.  Tonight I sat with a team of our Baby House tias to tell them I'm leaving in a month.  Friday I had a long talk with one of the youth I've grown close to explaining why I am moving on.  Last week, I sat with our medical team and explained to them that one more nurse is leaving them while their clinic is closed and their whole life is changing.  These conversations will continue over the next month.  There is no blanket e-mail I can write to tell everyone I know that I'll be leaving in a month.  There is no simple way to explain to people that they may never see me again.  It is hard, and it hurts.
Some days I want to just leave and skip the goodbye stage.  Some days I want to sit all day with a gorgeous baby in my arms and never let them go.  Some days I do my best to stay on task and get my work done, so I don't have to think about the dwindling number of days.  Some days frustrations make me happy my days are numbered.  Some days I struggle to decide whether to spend my time with my missionary friends or my precious babies...both of whom I will miss greatly.  And, some days I hear the clock ticketing in my brain counting down the time I have left with those I love here in Mozambique.
Please be praying for me...that God would be closer than ever and direct my every step over the next month.  I still have more work than I can imagine staring me in the face and all I want to do most days is sit in the sand and play with the babies I love!  I believe there is a balance between the two and in God's presence will I find it.
One month...30 days...720 hours...43200 minutes. 
It will fly by, yet I vow to cherish the precious moments with God's help.