My heart cries out...

Some things will never make sense to me.
A few weeks ago I walked up to the clinic to check in with Jannie (another nurse) who had been so graciously listening out for any issues in the Baby House for me while I was off base picking up Erin from the airport. As I walked in, she said, "Come here, tell me what you think." She was in the middle of milk program. Every Friday, community women and their babies come to the center to pick up formula powder (something that is too expensive for them to actually buy here). These women are unable to produce milk or for some reason (mainly HIV status) they should not be breast feeding their infants. Each Friday their babies get weighed, looked over by a nurse, and seen by a doctor if they need to be.
What she wanted me to see was a supposed 2 year old (that's what the mom said) who was tied up in a capaluna (the traditional way to carry children...what you saw me wearing in the picture with Wesley). He was skin and bones. Seriously worse than any child I have ever seen on a commercial for starving kids in Africa (you know the one's). His arms and legs were just the size of his poorly developed bones and he really seemed to have no real control of them. They stuck out of his torso like sticks. His mom explained to us that she has been told he has mental and physical development issues. Honestly, I just couldn't bear to look at him or consider his future.
Jannie called our director to see what she would have to say about this little one. But apparently this is an ongoing issue and not something we can step in and try to rectify. I was heart broken. One of the Moz doctors that works with us did take the mom and son to the hospital to be seen in the malnutrition clinic. That was a little hope for me until I found out how they treated little Lucas last week and what their plan was for him (if you haven't read my rant about it...they wanted him to lose 1/3 of his body weight, a kid that is already malnourished and not doing great!).
I feel lost and certainly all I can do is pray for this little boy who's name I don't even know, that God would have mercy on him in a broken world in a place where people feed their children rice water (the water left after boiling rice) because they have nothing else. But here I sit, where God has placed me, seeing things that don't make sense and begging Him for wisdom!

Happy Halloween to all and all those in Clemson this weekend...have a great Homecoming and cheer on the Tigers for me!

Back Safely from South Africa and Exhausted...

#1 Praise...I have a 6 month visa. This is unheard of! Seriously most US citizens get 3 month visas at the most. I now have a 6 month...I do have to leave the country every 30 days but that is the least of my worries!
Other than that, I am back from South Africa (a trip that was a change of pace from life at the center...but I would not say it was extremely relaxing). And today might have been one of the most tiring days I've had here at the center. It is election day in Mozambique...so ALL of our tias (the women and men who care for the children...bath them, feed them, change diapers, entertain them...) left to vote. Voting here is not like in the US, it's a LONG process. I helped out in the girl's area because the Baby House had enough coverage and Laura's dorm was doing ok as well. They wore me out...seriously! By about 9am I wasn't sure I had any hair left as they pulled out my pony tail, braided, pulled, tied up, and pulled out my hair. By the afternoon I had cleaned out all their ears, watched a movie with them, held many, play with many and had fun (despite exhaustion). Then late afternoon I was on in the Baby House as a nurse. We also had a dinner for all the missionaries tonight...fantastic Italian food...but I could barely hold my head up.
#2 Praise...Lucas (an adorable little boy from Laura's dorm) is back from the hospital! I feel very attached to this little one...mainly because Laura spends so much time with him and I know she isn't here at the moment. So I went over to check on him today. As of last Thursday (when he went to the hospital) he could not sit up on his on or hold his head up well. He has been diagnosed with microcephaly...although I don't think that's what's up with him. It's more likely he had cerebral malaria at some point and this is the result. Anyway he ended up on the malnutrition ward when he was admitted to the hospital. There plan was to put him on a "special diet" so he would get down to 8 kg (losing 1/3 of his body weight) before they started feeding him more to bring him back to a "normal" weight. Yes that's right...if anyone out there can give me an explanation for this I would greatly appreciate it! I plan on talking with our Moz doctors this week to try and get an explanation (although I certainly don't expect one that supports any medical research). Needless to say we got him out of the hospital as quickly as possible! As of today he is responding, smiling, and walking (wobbly...but still)! Praise God for his progress! Please continue to pray for little Lucas. Here's a picture of me and Lucas!
Ok...it's bedtime!

Many changes...

So this has been kind of rough week for me. I have struggled through all of the changes we are making as a medical staff right now. I was already tired as of last Friday and was looking forward to a trip to South Africa (I leave this afternoon and will be gone until Tuesday).
Erin is back...which I'm super excited about, but that makes for 5 of us trying to work together in the Baby House. Not a bad thing, just something that is going to take a lot of communication and working together. So instead of working 3 days a week and every other weekend...I am working one afternoon and one morning a week and one weekend a month. Looks like my schedule is WIDE open for other things.
I had already spoken with our directors about two things I was interested in helping with.
#1- I am working with some others on base to start a Bible study on Sunday nights. We have home group and church each week, but there is not really a small setting time to encourage each other and spend some times in the Word. So as I talked to others about it EVERYONE seemed very excited that someone wanted to work to solve that problem. Sunday nights at 7:30 a bunch of girls will be meeting in my house to study Romans...that's the book we chose to tackle first! I'd love your prayers for guidance and I lean into God to lead me through this.
#2- I am going to start helping out in Laura's dorm (the youngest boys on base that aren't in the Baby House- ages about 5-9). You know me, I do love the little ones. So with so many of us in the Baby House I thought I would branch out a little. Laura is leaving for the States tomorrow, and Rebbecca one of the newest missionaries is going to be helping while she's away. So I'm excited to be able to help Rebbecca and get to know the boys...hopefully helping with their medical issues as well!
Several other ideas have been thrown around this week as well...many of them I could end up involved in...we shall see how it all turns out! For now I'm headed to South Africa to hopefully get my visa situation taken care of and REST. I'm excited to spend some time with the Lord and hear from Him about what He would have me be involved in during this time of change. I'd love your prayers in regard to my visa (I'm praying for a 6 month visa...or 3 month...just not another one month), this time of change, as well as Sunday nights as I lead this Bible study! Thanks in advance!

What has become normal...

So I was thinking today that if I wrote a list out of things that have become completely normal to me now, you might start to get a better picture of my life. Here it goes...
~the power going out at least once a day and most days many more times (if it's night time and the power goes out in the Baby House all the kids scream until it comes back on and then they cheer...it's hilarious)
~cold showers because the base/any where we usually buy gas from has run out
~days where I have not even looked at my to do list...not to mention crossed anything out
~knowing that when I walk out my door I will enter into a sand dune (basically it's true)
~driving equals no rules, cars swerve in and out, pass anyone and everyone, people will run out in front of you, cars will pull out when they want to even if you are driving by, and it's all on the left side of the road...(and no I haven't braved the roads myself yet...although I think in an automatic car I would be just fine- we only have manual cars of the base)
~when I am walking to the Baby House if any of the kids are in their play room...I will hear Mana Meghann screamed and it will brighten my day!
~I have to be careful what clothes I wear if I'm working because by the end of the day snot, pee, medicine, and baby grime will have been smeared ALL over whatever I'm wearing
~also it must be considered when I pick out my clothes that if I doesn't tie on I will HAVE to hold it on whenever I enter the Baby House or Bercario...because my little friends who can't walk yet think it's great to learn to pull up on things like my clothes! There have been quite the embarrassing moments as kids pulled my skirts right down...oops!
~the "plan" of the day will NEVER actually happen
~life outside this center is poverty and it's tough...every day I hear another horrible story that rocks me to the core
~hair conditioner, make up, blow driers, and even caring what I look like are things of the past
~when I use my oven I will never know what temperature it is...completely a guessing game
~what the next day will bring is ALWAYS a mystery
~a gecko will run across my wall at least every few days and mosquitoes will invade my space every night (Mom I can hear the mosquitoes here...they are SO loud).
~each day there will be at least one moment where I BEG to know Portuguese so I could just explain myself for once...oh how quiet I have become
~several times of day bugs will have invade where I am...be it my kitchen, room, the nursing room...somewhere. Apparently this is ant season...a few weeks ago roaches were out (because it was really hot for several days)...seriously I thought roaches were large in South Carolina...NOPE...these things could be mice they are so big!
~every few weeks I will become exhausted and wish I could hide and sleep for a few days...then God will show up, restore me, and I'll be back to His work!

I'm sure there are so many other things that are just normal now...but I hope you can see what my life looks like a little better. I am thankful for so much and am learning tons!

The many faces of Dionisio...

So I was already planning to write about Mr. Dionisio, but since Erin returned yesterday and he was so very excited to see her (he might be her favorite...but no one is telling) I've decided today is the perfect day! Dionisio is a VERY silly little boy who lives in the bercario. I'm sure you'll see in just a moment why we think he is so funny! Enjoy the many faces of Mr. D...

This could possibly be an attempt to pull my hair out.

Caught him before he could make the usual "smile face"

This is his adorable smile that someone taught him...so every time he sees a camera pointed at him he "smiles" for you! Hilarious.

I'm pretty sure he was attempting to get the camera here...

I had to add this one in as well. This is D's newest trick...to stand on his head!

Visa Renewed...

So today is my day off this week and I planned for another missionary to take me to the border to get a new visa. This month it has not worked out for me to get to South Africa yet so I was going to try out what everyone here refers to as a "border run". This means you stamp out of Moz, walk over to South Africa, stamp in, walk around the building, stamp out of South Africa, and walk across the border and stamp back into Moz. It definitely is a little sketchy...but today it had to be done.
We left at 7am this morning. :( We dropped one of the guys from the center off for his first day of work interning with a vet! Picked up a visitor who also needed to get out of the country today and headed to South Africa. The border is about a hour and 1/2 away so not bad. We got there and all was good on the Moz side. There was not a long line, we stamped out, and started our trek over to South Africa. The man who stamped me into South Africa started to ask me all these questions...where are you going? Have you been in Moz to see your boyfriend? Do you know you have a gorgeous smile? Are you married? Seriously I just wanted to remain inconspicuous (as the only white skinned blond haired person in this whole building)!
Anyway point being we stamped in to South Africa, got around the building with no one asking us any questions. Now the only issue is that when you go to stamp back in your are standing at a row of glass windows that back right up to where you stamped in...so I handed the lady my passport, she scanned it and stamped it...and then as I started to walk away she said..."You were just over there!" She pointed behind her, where the guy who had so nicely flirted with me minutes earlier was sitting. He turned around and looked at me with this look like...you little cheater! But my passport was already stamped so I just kept walking and thank God they stamped the visitor as well and let him go.
Then applying for a new visa when smoothly and we were on our way home...praise God that is taken care of for another 30 days!

Oh and for 2 funny animal stories for you...on our way to the border there was a herd of cattle in the road...And on our way back we saw this amazing billy goat helping keep the grass on the side of the road short (along with tons of other families of goats as well)!

I would ask your prayers...

Hello All!
We have had a sad day here at the center. One of our boys, Palo, passed away in his sleep last night. He has been sick but no one thought he wouldn't pull through. I found out right before church this morning and just felt awful. Aleya and I stopped to pray together over the center and everyone this would effect. So I would ask you to do the same. Many of his close friends are very sad along with missionaries, nurses, tias, and family.
I will tell you I was blown away at church this morning by the confidence 2 of his friends had to stand up and speak. They each shared that they already missed him but knew he was at home in heaven with their Father. These boys are so young to have such a wonderful understanding of the gospel! They had tears flowing but knew their friend was safe now. After they spoke we all sang praise songs to our Father who Palo has now seen in all his glory.
As for prayers, there are beliefs in Mozambique surrounding death. Some believe if a person dies in your house you are cursed and going to die as well. So I would ask that you pray against these things. The boys on the center that were next to him and sleep in his room and house do not need to fear death.
Lastly, another little 5 year old, Sheldon, has been admitted to the hospital today because of fever, vomiting, and breathing problems. And, Felisimina, a 9 year old little girl who lives in a transition dorm between the baby house and the girls area (these are also kids that I help treat) is sick as well. Tonight her fever spiked again and she couldn't hold her dinner down. Please pray for these little ones and all those who are caring for them and loving on them! Sickness is a scary thing here where the hospital is 45 minutes away.
Thank you in advance for all your prayers! We greatly appreciate it.

Bercario!

So the Bercario (or nursery) on base is one of my favorite places. I am in charge of these kids medically, but they are also my favorite to play with. I think because some days the Baby House is just a little overwhelming...there are 37 kids in there! But the Bercario is home to only 6 at the moment. Here are some pictures to show you just why I love it so...

Dionisio makes the funniest faces of any kid...

Sometimes they sit nicely with you...

Sometimes you can't get even one to pose for a picture...

Wesley is adorable and chunky...

The 3 boys are already friends...sometimes...

If you got my last update via e-mail you know that funding has been cut for the nursery. The plan for now is for it to stay open until the end of the year, but after that unless we can find funding the nursery and the Baby House will be one again. I would ask for your prayers that we all feel peace throughout this decision making process and are able to follow God's plan for the Bercario!

Our Newest Little Ones!!!

So how should I start...um let's see...this has been the longest, most filled half a week since I have arrived. Kids have been sick, 3 new kids have arrived, and there was tons of other paperwork/daily work to be completed. Not to mention I'm suppose to be training Aleya. Needless to say that has not really happened.
Anyway, let me introduce you to our newest little ones!
On Wednesday Neto arrived...
He has been biting his lip since he got here. :( I've learned that kids don't do so great for the first few days after they get here, but then they slowly warm up. He was covered in witch doctor charms...but after a little loving he will be just fine. As for his story, his father has been taking care of him since his mother left (I believe) and doesn't have any female relatives to help out. He is 20 months old and pretty tiny. He's not terribly malnourished and after a few days seems to be figuring out life in the Baby House isn't all that bad. I can't wait until he is smiling and playing!
The next arrivals came Thursday. I had been in the nursery for over 3 hours thanks to some spoiled little ones and wanting to help out at least a little bit. Chris and I had finally escaped to get some lunch when we ran into our newest arrivals.
Meet Wesley, who the tias lovingly refer to as Weesley (they can't seem to say Wesley).
Anyway he is 6 months old and healthy as you can see, weighing in a 8.34kg. His mother died not too long ago. His father has done a great job so far raising him. He has even been weighed in a clinic every month since birth and is up to date on his immunizations! He has come to live with us because again there are no female relatives around to help care for him. His father dropped him off and he seemed just fine. Then about an hour later he started crying. He cried all night and most of the next morning. Seriously Chris and I even put him in a car seat and swung him around because in motion he would stop crying. Anyway...here's a picture of the end result of all the crying...
He would only stop crying tied to someone's back in a capulana. So to give the tias a break, some of the girls in the clinic tied him on me, and I spent about 4 hours on Friday feeling like a real African mom. I got a bunch of work done, but it's hard work and my whole upper body hurts today. But for 4 hours there was NO crying! And he seems to be doing much better today!
Lastly, Alfiado arrived Thursday as well.
He is 18 months old and only weighs 8.56kg. You can definitely see in his hair condition and weigh that he is malnourished. We are working on that at the moment and I can't wait for him to smile. At least he has stopped chewing on his clothes at the moment...for the first 36 hours all he did was chew on whatever he was wearing. But he is adorable and I'm sure will be doing great in no time. He is with us because his mother died and his 8 year old sister (also living with us now) was his primary care giver. She has come up to see him every day and I'm sure will continue to!
Ok...well those are our 3 new boys! They are fantastic and I can't wait for their personalities to shine. Just to show the transition these kids go through...here is Clotide (who we are now calling Mae because that was her "home" name) and Augustinho, the two who arrived about 2 weeks ago.
Mae is now playing with everyone and her skin looks gorgeous!And Augustinho is a bundle of laughs and so curious it almost drives me crazy because you can't put anything down unless he can have it!

Oh ShopRite...

Tuesday mornings are my usual time for adventures to ShopRite. This is one of the weekly runs that the ministry takes so missionaries and visitors can get anything they need. Well, this morning I was running a few minutes late because I forgot I needed to stop by and tell one of our other nurses that we had removed maggots from little Agostinho's foot a few days ago. Yep, that's right friends, maggots. Two of them. Disgusting! Anyway, I got to our meeting place to find no vehicle there to drive us. Soon we found out that the normal mini-bus we take was broken down. So only 9 of us could go because we were going to have to take the Land Rover. But there were 11 of us...so we find out we can take the school bus but it has to be back to the center by 11:15 to get the boys to school on time.
By the time we had walked over and started loading the bus it was 9:20...and since it takes 45 minutes to get to ShopRite and then 45 minutes to get back...plus usually we have an hour to shop...there was NO WAY we would be back on time. Slowly but surely we whittle down our group so we can fit in the Land Rover...all 9 of us pile in. The only issue was that no one really thought about where our groceries would go on the way home. Plus for the record it is HOT today! So after all of that we get our shopping done and pile like clowns back into the Land Rover.
At some point in the midst of pushing and pulling bags, attempting to get my legs on the floor between bags of groceries, and making sure all the visitors were ok...my cell phone must have fallen out of my purse. I got back to my kitchen, unloaded, and went to look at my phone...no phone. Ironically earlier this week Chris picked up a new phone for me because I was afraid my US phone that I have been using would be broken or stolen here and didn't want that to happen...but the new phone has a short. It turns itself on and off, the keypad doesn't work all the time...end result, it needs to be returned. So I was phoneless! :(
But after a few phone calls around and 2 trips back up to the transport area I located my phone!!!!!!!! One job for this week...to locate a new phone so I won't have to stress about this one.

Student becomes the Teacher...

It's been 6 and 1/2 weeks since I arrived. As of Wednesday we have a new nurse on base...Aleya. She is my new roommate and at the minute I have the job of training her up to be able to help us out a little bit in the Baby House. Her main responsibility is going to be to oversee the GATV program. This program is a clinic run by Doctors Without Borders that sees and manages all of our HIV+ kids. But she is also going to help out with some weekends and shifts in the Baby House. So I was the student 6 weeks ago...and now I'm the teacher. Who knew that I would have figured out which keys open which door on base, know the kids' names and even some of their stories/medical history, and be able to share what I've learned with another.
During my training time with Erin I remember her saying, "By the time I get back you'll be a pro at all this and even be training up Aleya as well." Honestly at the time I thought you've lost your mind. In 7 weeks when you get back I'll be glad if all the kids aren't dying and some of what you have asked me to do is complete. But instead most of the kids are just fine (despite a few minor infections) and I'm pretty sure all of what I've been asked to do is finished. Plus yesterday and today I spent some time teaching Aleya how we prepare and give out medications. We seem to think a little differently but I think she is going to be wonderful!
It's been an interesting journey...some days I've been in over my head, other days have been relaxing and fun, all days have been filled with joyous little ones and treasured God moments. I'm tired but happy. I'm overwhelmed but thirsty for God. I'm interested to see how things will be as we work out new schedule changes, and I figure out what it will be like when Erin returns. I'm excited to learn from her and grow in my medical knowledge and also to get the time to spend studying Portuguese and hopefully taking lessons. I cannot wait until I can communicate! Also, possibly I'll even have some time for exploring more of this country God's placed me in.
For now I'm a teacher...and a mom...and a nurse...and a respiratory therapist...and a nutritionist...and a physical therapist...and some days a doctor...but still a student and now a teacher. It's so interesting to see every day what God in store for me here...